My dark-held secret


It has been long that I have actually spoken about this. It is a secret which is untold to most of the people I know. This is a secret I kept hidden from my parents until I grew up to be a high-school girl. I was scared and stuck with the stigma of being judged. This still remains as a horror of my childhood.

It’s high time I spill out this dirty secret as I have not done anything wrong. Sexual abuse on women and children has been prevalent. One or more occurrence of such incident appears daily in the newspaper. Alike me, every girl has faced a minimum amount of molestation in their lives. I have faced public harassments after growing up and I never failed to raise a voice against them. But as a five-year-old, I failed to protect myself from being a victim of a pervert, or as I would be comfortable terming him as, a paedophile.

I am following up with the recent incident at one of the leading Montessori chains of the city and every detail which passes my ears is shocking me and taking me back to that horrific day. I was a toddler who had just joined her school and lived with her parents and a nanny at a rented house in Garden Reach, Kolkata. Alike many, my parents were out for work and after coming back from school I completed my lunch which was prepared by my Nanny. I had a habit of visiting a local club opposite to my house after lunch. I loved watching the grown up kids practising Karate at the club. My parents remained unconcerned because they knew I was safe there and everyone knew and adored me as a child.  That afternoon I was crossing the lane opposite my house to reach the club when a local guy whom I knew as an acquaintance called me and said,

“Hey! Come here, I have some magic for you.”

I did not hesitate because I had always considered him safe. I cannot recall his name but I have faded memories of his face. I was a popular wide-eyed and chubby young girl back in my childhood. I approached him near my house where he was standing. “What kind of magic?” I shrugged. It was a lonely afternoon and no one was passing that way. He beckoned me to a wall beside my house. I went with him and saw him unzipping his pants. I couldn’t react as the sight which followed was something weird and abnormal for me. He had coated a handful amount of celery on his man prick and asked me to blow it. I denied as I smelled some kind of fishiness. He convinced me somehow and pushed it inside my mouth. After a while, he shunned me away and threatened me to keep it as a secret. I ran to my house and told this to my nanny who in return asked me to keep quiet and never tell anyone, not even my parents. She asked me to forget it and told me if anyone knows about it, they will judge me as a bad girl. I remained shut for years until I understood things and revealed this long-kept dark secret to my mother which has been haunting me for years.

I hardly remember my five-year-old days but this day still comes as a nightmare. I was a fool to have kept quiet or not shout out for help when things were happening to me. After that, I have never kept quiet against any kind of atrocities against me or someone else.

I advise all parents to teach their children to raise a voice against such culprits and counsel them in order to know things they hesitate to reveal. Don’t ignore your child’s silence. Some culprit might just be next to you. That age is delicate and such a life-scarring incident can ruin their childhood. VOICE UP AGAINST CHILD ABUSE!